You take me down

wow long time no vent./Drama

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:33:52 GMT

Im reluctant to use the word... but when the shoe fits right. Lately Ive been flooded with negative thoughts, they surround me. Im doubting myself, my strength, my intellegence, my beauty, in and out...

I need everyone to leave him alone and stop trying to "warn" me about his motives, or his stability. It seems as soon as old friends/family figure us out a new one comes into our life and because they dont understand it they feel the need to protect the angel.

I am nothing past a human being that HAS made mistakes.

Love and War is all the same in passion, desperation, and the acts we take through them, so I can see where you were mistook but please dont act like you can begin to know what we feel for each other. There are only two people in this relationship and I am beyond tired of people telling me that hes not the one for me or vis versa.

I choose this life not because im scared of starting new with someone else. When he looks at me, when I see him after a days work, when I wake up next to him, everyday, Im grateful. We shouldnt have to prove that to anyone else.

.

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 06:59:06 GMT

thi8s is for my ppeeeps this is for the pwopwl e that i thinkwill call me back. Imve been thinking but honestly there are three girls I like I know know as of right now I now what I think bu tthat I write PLAY SWOMETHING I KNOW HOW TO SINEG

Tommyknockers TommyKnockers at Your Door

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 03:00:42 GMT

I want to book the tickets but I dont know if we have a definate place to stay. I wont, but theyll only be this cheap for so long, and my mom wont stop saying "see I knew he wouldnt take care of it when he said he would" she repeats in at breakfast lunch dinner and when Im sleeping I swear she wispers it under my door. I hate that woman like Charlie hates that asian next door.

oh btw ill be w.o phone internet and television from tomorrow till... well I dont know... until we get us a house in Bragg most likely.

7816400656
readit,writeit,memorizeit bitches

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:09:48 GMT

New truck estimate is $638. That's more doable than I thought. Also Zach's got Friday and Monday off so hes going to the bank to see about taking out a loan for the move. He seems to think we can afford to keep me home from work but I don't think I want to do that. Granted natell need daycare if I do so the income may not be worth the childcare costs. Well see. With me there I think we could budget out a way to save a lot.... What I need to go now/soon is go to Hanscom AFB and get my military ID made... I dont really want to ask mom for the car. Shes being a complete bitch today, like I asked if she wanted me to take joshy to the YMCA cause I was thinking about taking nate, and she flipped out and said "stop butting in" [I still have no fucking clue why she said that, it really didnt fit the conversation AT ALL] "I just wanted to have a relaxing day. I was laying down and you had to get him all crazy" [at this time I walked away and she kept yelling after me profanity and down putting mean-ness, at which I laughed to myself but grinned aloud] It was fucking 1030 in the morning and she was laying on the couch sleeping? I hate depression.... Ill wait it out maybe shell be okay after her nap...?

I cant wait to be with Zach.... *dreamy beatles music* =]

If Only I Could Fuck as Good as the Army Does

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 03:29:42 GMT

Id never be lonely...

Just found out Friday that Zach has 30 days from the marriage date to vacate the barracks. I dk where hes gunna go. Im sure he'll work it out, but it sucks cause now its like all he's got time for is literally PT, work bull shit, and apartment shopping. I know he can do it, I just wish I were there to help. I admit Ill be very impressed when he does this all by himself. He's always surprising me =].

Im still trying to figure out how were gunna move all our stuff down though. A truck is like $1,600 and needless to say I dont have that kind of cash just kickin around [I dont think anyone really does nowadays]. Tami [Zachs mom] is giving us her truck for our wedding present, but shell need it for a little while longer. It would be ideal to have zach drive that up load it and drive it back down, but what can ya do. Im just grateful shes doing that period. A pickle thats what this is... Maybe the colleges are doing some kind of testing....

On a different note I dont really feel ready to leave Boston. Anyone whose anyone will tell you this city is the best. The intellect the cultural diversity the games and concerts and historical value; Boston has everything! From Southy, to the West End, God this place has everything. In most parts everyone is in their mid 20s. It seems like a fairy-tale sometimes; the beauty is breathtaking and it moves me in such a way that for a city seems impossible, but if you knew Boston, really knew it, like I do now youd know what I mean.

oh yea

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 02:48:01 GMT

IM TOTALLY FUCKING MARRIED! Mrs. Zachary Charles Luxon!!!! yea us =D!

God we made it this is awesome.

Try not to be Hypocrite

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 01:05:17 GMT

Till 830 fine
I think of myself a very tolerant person, sure I rant, but I never rave. I think the difference is in the approach. I mean you can really say just about anything and come across rational if its well planed out; if what you say is in the proper way received by your intended receiver. Whether or not that person agrees with you or not isnt the point is it. Nope; if you can achieve this you have mastered communication.

...and even after 5 1/2 years that, my friends, is fucking harder than it sounds.

New List

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 02:38:30 GMT

1. Childcare/DEERS "all abouts"
2. Finalize Car situation
3. If loan figure out payment plan/mo.

When all ^ ^ ^ is figured we can:
4. Least pay + Least pay [w/o extra BAH] - food - gas/ins/normal car stuff - cell - diapers

what can I say I dont like element of surprise when it comes to security :]. If Im going to do this Im going to do it right. I think thats why Zach and I make such an awesome match; When we do anything, wrong or right, we do it ALL the way! lol Well just have to keep each other above water until we find a happy medium.... till then you can just call me "Over Thinker Sarah" Im cool with that :]

My brother is scared he cant get into college

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 01:46:59 GMT

Meursault comes to terms with existential thought as his final conclusions on life focus around the meaningless of the world. Meursault contemplates irrational thought alone in his cell, “Since we’re all going to die, its obvious when and how don’t matter”(114). Meursault comes to the conclusion that each person is elected the some fate — to die — and therefore the content of ones life does not matter. This ideal runs parallel with the existential ideals of Jean-Paul Sartre, whose world-renown existential philosophies state that “a man engages his own life, draws a portrait, there is nothing more.” Meursault’s epiphany as well as Sartre’s findings correspond with each other; they agree that there is nothing more that exists to life than the existence of oneself. It is only until his last words that Meursault expresses the importance of existence, “I opened myself up to the gentle indifference of the world. Finding it so much like myself…”(122). As a finale to The Stranger, Camus allows Meursault to reach an ultimatum regarding the meaning of the character’s existence. Meursault finds a connection between himself and the world.

-Evan

Things to figure out before we move to North Carolina

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:40:28 GMT

1. Courthouse in NC?
2. Hotel or Baraks?
3. Cost of marriage licence in fayettville?
4. Witness?
5. Hotel half way?
6. $$$ total?
7. Childcare?
8. O[n/ff]JT location?

EDIT:
1. Check and has been passed to the "Zachs half" check list :P lol
2. Hotel if were not moving down right then
3. Not sure but we have enough to cover the $100 max [usuallys more like $30-$50 though]
4. Check: Notary
5. Richmond VA
6. $100 + $60 Hotel in VA + $250[deposit for apt - we get BAH] OR 240 [the Airborne Inn] + +
7. Only thing still up in the air cause I dont know what DEARS is all about yet...
8. School [OffJobTraining] would be at the Raleigh NC corp. office 1h20mins but OnJT is closer

More gushy mush for memories sake :]

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 00:39:48 GMT

Me, Derek and Zach on the phone at the same time = I cant breathe laughter!!!!!!

Zach is so amazingly awesome! After we let him go on the phone he called called me back to say sorry for having to go. He wanted to make sure I know he still loves me and that hes just in a "mood" [he's depressed like 60 percent of ppl around this time of year and just wanted to go to sleep]
I just want him to be happy. I do what I can but it just one of those things - thats just the way it goes. Hell be up and down till the '09 rolls in. Hey if anyone wants to give him a call, 706-570-3399, Im sure it would help!

Its just a "God I love him!!!!!" kinda day <:]3

My fortune cookie

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 01:17:21 GMT

Your love life will soon be full and harmonious.

<3

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 00:44:09 GMT

I dont know how to explain how I feel. Im a little of everything negative right now. Debt is the worst thing in my opinion. Growing up Id always knows like not to get a credit cards and to pay bills as they come in, but what happens when you plan to pay everything and loose your job or there is an unexpected, uncontrollable, occurrence to make the bill wrack up to the point of insanity?! Hopefully when my paychecks start coming in again [in a week] this feeling of completely spiraling out of control will stop. I dont want to relay on anyone else but I dont want to be so prideful that I end up digging myself deeper in a hole. The worst thing is I have Nate. He relays on me for almost everything. Mommy is one of those figures in life that never take any form but mommy. He trusts me and loves me and I dont want to fuck that up!!! I already have I feel like such a failure!

Work has been good. Im a "go-f'r" getting stuff 5 stories down only to come back up with it and run back down [easily 10 times+ for stupid shit my coworker and I already had/didnt need] for the next thing. Everything except that is awesome I really do love it.

Im probably just tired. Its only 7:40p but I think ill call it a night.

To continue from Jacks journal/comments

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 05:49:45 GMT

Id like to post this on my journal to share with everyone who reads it and because the comment I was leaving for Jack was getting kind of long lol.

Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, Catholicism, Judaism [even Atheists [ joke ;P ]... whatever your religious belief hear me out; All religions believe in a greater power. I haven't studied all the practices of all these groups, but Ive acquired enough knowledge to know the stories are comparable in each others "historical journals". Look at all the historical figures in each religion; these men/women/leaders/disciples of religion, Jesus, Mosses, Buddha, all followed a greater good, practiced self control, helping others, in loose translation Karma. I think the hierarchy of reincarnation till Nirvana is something true [if youre not "good" in this life you will come back until you get it right is the jist]. I consider myself a christian because it is the closest thing to what I believe in - The worship of one God, the God of all things. I suppose if you think about it enough, prayer to specific gods for different sections of your life is just breaking it all down. In fact recently Ive learned in a previously mentioned party it is believed that praying and worshiping gods is in fact praying to the god of all gods.... but like I said I dont know enough about some of the aspects of different religions and that is one of them... Prayer is just the recognition and thankfulness that keeps us humble, the petition to realize what our wants and needs are. With that we then work at it. Prayer is a personal relationship for us and whomever we want to pray to/with. When it comes down to personal experience and deep feeling, my relationship with God is the reason for my positive nature my uplifting spirits in times of strife or just an "every" day. However I dont believe in organized religion - it is merely the the modernized human outlook of craze and mass hysteria waiting to happen [or already happened in the form of MANY wars]. What I do hold to be self evident is that prayer works. For whatever reason.

Religious conversations never end there is just too much to cover. Maybe were not made to know EVERYTHING. My philosophy is simply this: why not. If it reflects in a positive way to a greater good, a humbled way to realize that their MIGHT be something else out there bigger than you... then were safe.

well thats all I can muster for now, Im drained..... Bed time - maybe, first, a reflection of the day in the form of a prayer?

I love that...

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 21:13:54 GMT

His favorite color is the color of my eyes.

<33

Conflict of interest

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 07:50:44 GMT

I used to be viewed as sexy, a party girl, slut, but I didnt really care... anyways it sounds bad, but I liked how I could control a guy. Not keep there interest for too much longer than a couple weeks maybe months if I could benefit, but Thats exactly what I wanted; no commitment, no complications, no strings, just "fun". I could drive any guy crazy; at first glance I was a hottie with the highest self esteem in the room and a badass/sweetgirl combo that invited curiosity. First glance was all you got. I found myself, some odd years later and a couple ago, reinventing myself. I thought Id covered all my bases but if you havent realized in this day and age no matter how much you try to bury your past it seems to slip right back in during the strangest walks. Im writing this to remind myself why I am where I am. It is impossible to turn back. I know too much. I got out the first time, barely, but I did indeed slip under Lucifer's radar. And though I wouldnt change much about my past, I try not to look back on it too much - instead I try to look forward, setting positive and constructive goals to accomplish. Inevitably the roller coaster dips and that person buried leaks out once more, so you must always know what to say to yourself to get back on track - a pep talk if you will, because ultimately only You can.

"Zach and Nathan" - by Never Inmywildestdreams

YEA!

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 21:36:40 GMT

So Obama wins [Huge smile face!] My brother told me that last night, when results were broadcast, all of boston seemed like they were in the streets celebrating. High Fives by passing cars, songs sung loudly, and no one really minded. Except for that one McCain supporter [white collar, purl necklace, thick makeup, "a little too perfect" boobs] who flipped off the happy street dancers, the spectacle was similar to that of the world series in 2004. "B-O-S!" Were such a tight city!

Dream Land

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:00:42 GMT

Lastnight I dreamt I showed up to work on y first day without tools.

I am always so unprepared.

I think...

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 02:48:25 GMT

I'll rip my ears off they do nothing but get me worked up.

Its been too long since Ive had a 3 way!

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 04:03:53 GMT

Zach got his wings yesterday!!!! He is officially a Airborne Combat Medic now! Ugh, so hot. Next step is waiting till my job okays the move and WE CAN LIVE TOGETHER!!! It feels so awesome [phenomenal/fantastic] to say theres just "ONE more step"!!!!!... but for now he has a weeks leave in AL spending a well deserved break with his mom, pawpaw and that side of the family. I so wish I could be there but next time will have to do.

Went trick-or-treating with nate, joshy, matt and mom. Nathan was a tiger and, appropriately, was running house to house "Rawring"! He really got the hang of it fast.

Today was a mass craze in our household [mom and johns first meeting]. Its been extremely confusing, but when my job was threatened [by a problem we by fixed] I felt like I could no longer breathe or that my heart wasnt meant for this body and it was going to be ripped right out. I dont know how else to say really. I love what I do. I dont want to do anything else. I love being a mom, but Im not one of those women that can stay at home cook, clean, and stay sane. I know this about myself. I hope zach doesnt think he can change that...

Talked to my 3 favorite people today though, so in retrospect it was a good day.

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 17:12:13 GMT

Nathan wont take off his winter jacket lol hes just running around the house lookin like a marshmallow. In other news I graduate today. Education hours *check* next step will be the work hours, which gets me to my next news bulletin: GRIFFIN CALLED! I start Nov 17th! wootwoot!

anyway got to get all fancied up!

The men in my life are idiots!

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 05:43:04 GMT

I just have to keep reminding myself that I turned out okay.
didnt I?
For the most part anyway... Josh will too. It just sucks when your only male roll model has to be your older brothers who are only 22 and 17. But matt was indeed younger when he raised me I suppose. Despite my feelings of rage in the form of a constant flooding sensation of wanting to punch someone [John, Danny, Jimmy & Jack] in the face [like full on deck 'em, jump them and beat them down so a manager of the 100 year family owned meat market wouldnt know the difference btwn him and the ground beef on sale for $9.99], I feel a sense of positivity... I cant help who I am... I know everything will be okay in the end; that this is just temporary. But I do hate relativity.

Positively. Pose.is.vitality.

I HATE.

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 03:46:19 GMT

Once again I must stress the importance of indifference in this situation. Its important to keep our heads so far up our own asses that not even we can see the difference.

I will, but only after this brief statement:

Drugs, Drinking, Lashing out, Just Plain Hatred: Hate may be a coping mechanism but I have to say its one of the healthiest in my opinion. Hate wears away after time with no real long term effects. Don't take this out of context - say I condone nonchalantly throwing around that word or feeling toward another person, because I don't. However, if a terrible wrong has been done to you and Hate is what you need to get through the day instead of selfmutalation [of any kind], Is that a bad thing?

... So now that's just what I'm going to do.

Zlux Dlux :]

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 20:07:57 GMT

I am so lucky to have a man like you
Youre my best friend
Someone I can relay on
Someone who sees through my mistakes.
Patience, Kindness, Understanding and Guidance,
But the thing I cherish most is that Youve never given up.
Unconditional Love.
Youre heaven sent and I am so luck to have you in my life.

I hate when ppl give up.

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 18:45:38 GMT

Its a waist of everyones time... Theyre just willing to give up... I dont understand